That is what Michael said nearly a year ago when I first started coaching sessions with him. I knew that he believed it, but I wasn’t so sure. I couldn’t see a path to get there from where I was at. I was just trying to survive.

My marriage had been on “auto-pilot” for the better part of a decade. My wife had been giving me hints that she was not happy, but I was too distracted to take it seriously. Inevitably, we slowly drifted apart. Long story short, she was wanting a Legal Separation. The friction between us was so great it seemed like that was the only way to find relief from the constant nagging and complaining. It wasn’t pretty.

Dr. Doug Weiss has pioneered work in Intimacy Anorexia, and I watched several of his YouTube videos. What he described seemed to be a familiar pattern in my life. Intimacy Anorexia seemed to be playing a part in my relationship issues. After searching for a coach with a background in Intimacy Anorexia, Michael was found as one of the few coaches that are certified by Doug Weiss in Intimacy Anorexia.

Michael helped me see there were traumas in my life that shape my perception of the world and those around me. I had always thought of “trauma” as something that required a visit to the ER. However, significant events in my life had indeed caused mental trauma that triggers my response to things my wife said and did. By identifying the traumas, Michael was able to quickly reduce them and the associated triggers. For example, my wife likes to talk during meals with her mouth full. It is hard to engage in meaningful conversation when I’m fixated on whether or not food is going to be falling from her mouth as she is speaking. Though we still have conversations during meals, I can now concentrate on what she is saying, instead of how she is saying it. We also take more walks for conversations, which tends to be a food-free zone.

Fast-forward to now, Michael was right. I don’t recognize my life. I have my marriage back. It wasn’t a “take this pill and call me in the morning” scenario. It took a lot of work to get here, but I feel my marriage is worth it. There is definitely some fine-tuning that still needs to occur, but there is a stark difference from a year ago. Before I met Michael, I was one step away from “living in a van down by the river.” Now my wife and I are not only civil towards each other but actually enjoy each other’s company. We have been trying new restaurants together and going for walks. I took dance lessons to gain more confidence on the dance floor. (By the way, if you want to impress your wife, learn to “dip” her at the end of the song.) Currently, we are both trying to lose weight and make meals together.

My engineering background makes me want to fix things. I wanted to fix my marriage but didn’t have the skill set. Michael does. When an organization has a problem their staff can’t solve, they hire a consultant with specialized talent to solve it. That’s Michael. I am still amazed at his ability to identify and mitigate the source of my “triggers,” as well as the effect this has had on my marriage. I can’t recommend him highly enough!

If you are willing to do the work, he can provide guidance. See you in 6 months… 😀

Take care and God bless! Dave

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You won’t recognize your life in 6 months